The Emotional Vampire

Emotional Vampires are a real threat people. They can't be taken out with silver bullets, wooden stakes through the heart or by direct sunlight. Don't worry about eating garlic either as the only way to stave off an Emotional Vampire is to pretend you are a bean bag when they come into the room. If you don't breathe, they can't see you. Every family has an Emotional Vampire and they can be found virtually anywhere. Though they do not glitter in the sunlight, you can spot them by the needy looks on their faces and the tiny glass jar of souls they carry with them.

This is the story of a friend of mine who I will name Oz who was nearly killed to death by an Emotional Vampire. Since I can not re-enact these dramatic scenes for you by interpretive dance, I have asked Hobo Harry to draw some pictures for you. Warning: What you are about to read is horrifying...

Oz took on the position as "The Boss" at a magnetic shower curtain plant after her predecessors sudden dissappearance.

It soon became obvious some of her team-members required a little more attention than most.

She met those needs with a smile on a daily basis, even offering Needy special side projects and frequent coaching.

Needy could be impatient and demanding, still Oz was willing to adress Needy's concerns and continued giving her some extra special attention even...

though she was quite busy with her role as "The Boss."

She always made time......

Always....though the constant demands had begun to wear her down.

No place was sacred.

Yup...Oz was still trying to go the extra mile for Needy...though she grew cold form the constant blood loss and could no longer feel her legs.

So cold....so.....dark.

Then one day Needy found out she had sucked all the blood out of Oz. She simply didn't have another drop left. So she drug Oz's body to the Boss of Bosses and declared that she needed a new Oz as this one wasn't suiting her needs anymore. Needy told Oz's boss that Oz never paid attention to her and was a big meany head. Oz was too tired to fight.

The Boss of Bosses had long ago suspected that Needy was behind the dissappearance of Oz's predessesor, but she had no real proof. There was no way to get rid of the beast and since they could not Sparta kick Needy into a deep dark hole, Oz was moved into the basement with the rats for her own protection. There Oz tried to regain her strength and was given a rum and coke transfusion followed by a Bloody Mary. The Office was unable to kill off the Needy so she continued to devour more souls until she had grown too large to fit into the building anymore.




I joke about Emotional Vampireism but it is a really real thing. Chances are you know at least one. Not sure if the person beating down your office door is a vampire? Here is an excerpt from Judith Orloff MD'S site
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/judith-orloff-md/how-to-deal-with-draining_b_807069.html :




Types of Emotional Vampires

1. The Narcissist
Their motto is "Me first." Everything is all about them. They have a grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement, hog attention and crave admiration. They're dangerous because they lack empathy and have a limited capacity for unconditional love. If you don't do things their way, they become punishing, withholding or cold.
2. The Victim
These vampires grate on you with their "poor-me" attitude. The world is always against them, the reason for their unhappiness. When you offer a solution to their problems they always say, "Yes, but..." You might end up screening your calls or purposely avoid them. 
3. The Controller
These people obsessively try to control you and dictate how you're supposed to be and feel. They have an opinion about everything. They'll control you by invalidating your emotions if they don't fit into their rulebook. 
4. The Constant Talker
These people aren't interested in your feelings. They are only concerned with themselves. You wait for an opening to get a word in edgewise but it never comes.
5. The Drama Queen

These people have a flair for exaggerating small incidents into off-the-chart dramas.  Always late for work or absent.


Know anyone who needs constant attention, admiration and praise, even for the really small stuff? Do they act weird around you if you didn't answer their e-mail right away? If you answered yes to any of these questions then you better practice your bean bag skills or move to Antarctica.  

CareBear Stare

So I was in serious need of a good ol Fashioned CareBear Stare. I look back on my posts over the last year and realize what a selfish, ungrateful total bitch I am.  And if you had asked me if I thought I was a good person, I would have said yes. I wasn't. I'm not. I have a lot of growing and learning to do which is mainly why I created this blog. Well, that and I was delusional and thought maybe people would find my narcissistic ramblings humorous and to a degree they are, but re-reading some of them is painful and not just because of the grammatical errors and terrible puns. Growing hurts. I took some time off from blogging and gaming and have been doing some soul searching. I realized that my posts had been increasingly negative, pitiful, and I had been walking around with this poor me chip on my shoulder for far too long. I have been more negative at home and at work and it took a while for me to find the root of it all.

Me.