The Ballad of Harry Squatter Part 5 "The Super Flu"

So the past few weeks have been interesting. I managed to catch the Bubonic plague and spent ten days in hell along with the rest of my family. Since starting this job at the call center over a year ago, I have been sick more often than I have ever been in my life. I am pretty sure its all the recycled farts, coughs, sneezes and sniffles we are breathing in. In addition, no one seems to wash their hands there and further spread there germs all over the damned place.

How Swinebirdsarssuperflu Begins

 It started with a small dry cough in the middle of the night. By noon the next day I was pretty sure that I was dying. I went home and slept from 2pm until noon the next day. I woke up long enough to take a shower in boiling water for the steam, inhale a cough drop and went back to sleep.

By nine that evening, my head felt like it was splitting open and every muscle in my body was in pain. I alternated taking a shower and a bath every two hours to help with the muscle pain. Soon my cough turned into a very deep, seal like bark and I'll spare you the phlegm details. I developed a 104.6 fever that caused me to hallucinate that nurses were trying to force feed me popsicles and I apparently had a conversation with a deceased family member posing as a unicorn in my shower.

On the 9th day and 5th gallon of orange juice, my fever broke. Let me tell you that the best feeling in the world is a cool breeze on the back of your sweaty neck, just as your fever has broken. Luckily my whole family managed to get the plague all about the same time so I didn't spend weeks caring for people. We ate soup, if we ate at all, for ten miserable days.

Just when I thought everything was back to normal, Harry, after a two week absence, came back, like a cold sore. Only, I'd prefer a cold sore to his presence.

I spent all day this last Saturday, cleaning my house like a mad woman after we were all seriously ill with the swinebirdsarssuperflu. I washed every blanket, pillow, couch cushion down. I sprayed every flat surface down wielding Lysol like I was fighting dragons and fabreezed the holy bajesus out of everything. I also left all the doors and windows open to air the sick stench from our house as well as scrubbed the bathrooms and counters down with bleach. When I was done, my house sparkled like an Elvis Cape. It was glorious.

to be continued......